We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
