apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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