You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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