You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
