I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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