The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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