She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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