Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
