you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
