whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
