I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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