Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
