i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
