promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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