I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
