yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
