Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
