this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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