Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
