I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
