Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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