dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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