Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I understand Curling. That high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
