Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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