Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
