Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
