I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
