I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you