I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
