he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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