So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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