I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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