my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
