My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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