She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
third nipple confirmed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
