Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
