I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
