how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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