Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I met the friendliest cop last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
