Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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