She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
