I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
