you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
