guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
