What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
