i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
ttyl tear gas
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
false alarm, still single
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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