Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
