a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize