Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
