We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
