Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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