I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
