I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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