the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
