brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
