my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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