nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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