I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's never too late to be topless.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
