that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think my moral compass just broke
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