this beer tastes like vomit already
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
