is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
