I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
