I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
